Five ways to have better conversations about men’s mental health this Movember

Five ways to have better conversations about men’s mental health this Movember

Each year in November, Movember shines a spotlight on men’s health. Beyond the moustaches, it’s an important reminder to check in with the men in our lives, create space for honest conversations, and encourage people to seek support when they need it.

For many men, messages about “toughing it out”, handling problems on their own or avoiding vulnerability can make it harder to speak up when things aren’t going well. By challenging these expectations and continuing to break down stigma around men’s mental health, we can help make those conversations easier.

Even when someone seems to be doing well on the outside, it doesn’t always reflect how they’re feeling on the inside. It’s not necessarily that men are deliberately hiding their emotions. Sometimes, opportunities to have honest conversations about what’s really going on simply don’t arise.

So, how can we make these conversations easier? We asked our Principal Psychologist, Dr Dougal Sutherland, to share five practical ways to support men’s mental health at work and beyond.

1. Listen more than you talk

When someone opens up, it can be tempting to jump in with advice, offer solutions or share a similar experience of your own. Even well-intended phrases such as, “I understand how you feel” can unintentionally shift the focus away from the person speaking.

Instead, try to stay curious, listen without judgement and give them space to share what they’re going through. You don’t need to have an answer or solve the problem. Often, simply feeling heard and supported is exactly what someone needs, especially at first.

Starting these conversations can feel uncomfortable, too. As Dr Dougal Sutherland notes:

It does take some guts to have these conversations and most of us tend to shy away from them. To help with this, look for some role-models around you that you can look to for courage. Maybe it’s someone in the public eye like Sir John Kirwan or maybe it’s someone in your personal life. Figure out how they do it and learn from them. Usually, the hardest part is broaching the subject for the first time – once you’ve broken the ice it’s much easier.

2. Spot the signs and notice when something seems different

People won’t always tell us directly when they’re having a hard time. Sometimes, the first indication might simply be noticing that something seems different.

Perhaps a usually social colleague has become quieter or withdrawn, a mate keeps cancelling plans, or someone seems more irritable, tired or distracted than usual. You might also notice changes in their sleep, appetite, routines or interest in things they normally enjoy.

The important thing isn’t to diagnose what might be going on. It’s to notice the change and use it as an opportunity to check in.

3. Spend time side-by-side, not face-to-face

Sometimes the best conversations happen side-by-side rather than face-to-face. As Dr Sutherland notes:

Men tend to have good conversations alongside one another while they’re doing something else. Bear this in mind when you’re looking for the right moment to raise the topic with someone. It could be when you’re out driving somewhere together, at a social or sports event, or out in the field working alongside one another.

Having another activity to focus on can take some of the pressure off and make it easier for someone to open up.

You could start with something simple such as:

• “I’ve noticed you’ve seemed a bit quieter lately. Is everything okay?”
• “I’ve been thinking about you. How are things going?”

And if the first response is, “Yeah, all good”, you don’t necessarily have to leave it there. A gentle, “Are you sure? I’m here if you want to talk” lets them know the door is open without putting pressure on them. Dr Sutherland puts it this way:

Maybe ask first about how they’re doing or start by commenting on an aspect of work that everyone would agree on (e.g., how busy it’s been recently). For most guys, entering into the conversation gradually is helpful rather than jumping straight into a deep and meaningful conversation.

4. Create a safe space for open conversations

Don’t wait for someone to ask for help. A simple, “How are you really doing?” can open the door to a meaningful conversation.

Whether you’re a colleague, a friend or family member, listening without judgement, showing empathy, respecting confidentiality, checking in regularly and talking openly about wellbeing can help create psychological safety, where people feel able to speak openly about what they are experiencing and thinking.

In the workplace, leaders play an important role in setting the tone. Small actions can make a significant difference including:

• Providing flexibility during difficult times
• Thanking people for being open and sharing their concerns
• Sharing your own wellbeing experiences to help normalise conversations
• Regularly checking in on how people are doing, not just how they’re performing at work
• Ensuring people are aware of available support services, including EAP

When we normalise asking for help, we make it easier for others to reach out when they need it.

We asked Dr Sutherland what organisations can do to create a culture where men feel safe speaking up about the challenges they’re facing. One of his key suggestions was to use language that feels natural and relatable to the men in your workplace.

Often this can come up organically from within the team and might be connected to the type of work you’re doing. For example, a local council we worked with used a 3-step system based on water quality – doing great was clean water; doing OK was grey water; and not doing well was wastewater.

Using language that is relatable helps normalise conversations and reduces stigma and shame about speaking up. It helps create a culture where people become comfortable discussing their wellbeing.

Having male leaders who role-model these discussions is also very helpful. If a leader is the type of person who is always doing 10/10 then there isn’t any implicit permission for team members to feel much different. Having a male leader who can be genuine about their struggles (and what they are doing to get support) can show other men that it’s OK to discuss these issues.

5. Check in again and follow up

Support doesn’t end after one conversation. Follow up a few days later to see how they are doing. Regular check-ins show that your concern is genuine and that they don’t have to face challenges alone.

If someone seems overwhelmed or continues to struggle, encourage them to seek professional support. This might include speaking with their GP, a counsellor or a psychologist, or accessing available workplace support services such as EAP.

Sometimes simply knowing that someone cares enough to check in again can make a meaningful difference.